OK, clazz- Sit tight for biology of a New Generation.
There are two types of fungus: Those who have style and those who don’t. A hipster is a fungus that dresses hip but is devoid of good morals, politics, and taste. Meet Mr. Hipster:
He likes to drink Pabst. He says it’s cuz it’s cheap, but really it’s cuz it’s hipster-y… Pabst is like rain to mushrooms. It helps them grow big n’ strong n’ pretentious.
He dresses up for irony and dresses down to go to the local dive… This is a fungi-hipster’s way of posing as more than a common hipster. If I had to describe this person as a certain fungus, it would be the colorful mushrooms you see in the woodz. Fun to look at, but still a FUNGI.
He’s got a curly cue stache, which flags, “Look at me, I’m sooo hipster-y that it’s not even ironic anymore!” Mr. Hipster is not afraid to stink up the room with his fungus-y stench.
Fungi don’t care to offend, or is it that they don’t realize they’re b-ing offensive? He thinks cultural appropriation is fun-e.
He reps places he’s merely visited. If he only knew that in the queer community he’d be “flagging” for scat sex play with that pooh colored bandana. Perhaps he’s the kind of fungi that grows from cow dung.
So, if you ever need to explain what a hipster is to some nowie, look to Mr. Hipster- Jesus to the fungi scensters…