Day 10, Hospitalization #4:
“10 am: Restless, liable, drew all over his face and hands to represent stigmata, wore flag on foot, aggressive at med window, slept 7 1/2 hours. Plan: med changes, court date Thursday.
3 pm: No significant change in response to care. Continues to be creative and flamboyant in dress and actions; wearing a stylish woman’s hat this morning, a blonde wig, later… an adapter between his eyes. Continues to endorse Lady Gaga delusions, when asked. Was presented at patient weekly conference…”
Lemme tell you about this “weekly conference”… I was given the option of having an interview with doctors that would “help me” more so than my current treatment team a few days before the conference. I thought the conference would be a nice little meeting with people that would discuss what I needed to do in order to be successful in my field with my disorder.
I grabbed my shinny track jacket, blonde wig, black funeral-y hat, and put a wire on my forehead extending to my arm, held on with band-aids.
Scene change- Cut to: Me- kicking the door to the conference where five-ish doctors, three nurses and mental health specialists from my previous hospitalization, and about fifteen nursing students were. I felt like I was featured on a Psych Ward talk show. They opened the door to let me in after a loud kick as they were reviewing my chart and asked me to ignore the audience of current doctors, students, and specialists. I said that I loved an audience and that it wouldn’t be a problem.
I put on “quite the show” according to my nurse. I made masturbatory gestures to the doctor interviewing me every time he sounded all-knowing. I made one nurse from hospitalization #3 cry with a response to one of my interview questions.
In the end I was really pissed that a conference that was supposed to help me was basically to show a bunch of students what mania is. I guess that’s what you get for going to a swanky psych ward that is also a teaching hospital.