Dear Dr. Alridge or Dr. Welch,
My name is Matthew McLean. I was diagnosed Bipolar 1- manic on Sept. 13, 2010. At that time, I had grandiose ideas of creating Lady GaGa through numerology. I had the belief that not only did I create GaGa by living in the same area of lower Manhattan, but rubbing elbows with a similar crowd and “making [my] career [my] persona.”
I hope that you doctors are able to distinguish my mania from my eccentricity and desire to perform. I have a flame inside of me that cannot be silenced. I hope that no combination of prescription drugs can stop my flame from burning.
Finally, I would like to request that I take 5-15 minutes on the internet to research Lady GaGa’s VMA performance. I have reason to believe that my voice may have been used under the vocals. Please respect my strange request as a legitimate desire and tool/step in my recovery.
Day 4, Hospitalization #4:
“11am: Poor boundaries- walks up to staff within personal comfort zone. Sedated, with eyes half closed, mumbling. Can’t locate his glasses.
12pm: Banging on med room door, loudly demanding p.r.n.s. Given Ativan 2mg @ 12pm along with his 1pm dose of Thorazine which he threw on the floor. Became increasingly agitated…
3pm: Patient has been napping until recently awakened yelling for his glasses. Limits set and back to bed.
9:30pm: Continues to appear sedated, drooling, mumbling, eyes half closed, but has brief periods of high energy. Yelling out when he needs something, stood on furniture, threw box of cereal, needs redirection… He wonders to [restricted areas] because he is “bored” and “wants human contact.” Was redirectable. Politely asked to attend wrap-up and relaxation, participated and did well. States he doesn’t like lithium because he doesn’t want to gain weight, asking why not on Abilify anymore. Also has periods of pleasantness, humorous. Refusing offers of Thorazine.”
Day 5, Hospitalization #4:
“2:30am: Patient remains awake. Slightly irritated. “It’s art time. I have to do art”- requested and received 2mg Ativan for agitation, needs redirection, to keep voice down…
6am: …Slept a total of 4 hours, remains on 5-minute checks in Quiet Room.
[From Nursing Assessment Flowsheet]:
Stressors: “Not being able to be in the internet and talk to Lady Gaga right now”
8am: Patient yelling and demanding, pounding on med room door… Accepted 2mg Ativan but refused his thorazine. Firm limits set with patient re: [staying to a limited part of the unit]. “But I’m an actor, I need an audience.” Contracted with patient that staff would provide an audience @ 2:15 for a presentation of his choice. “As long as it’s appropriate” was his reply.
1:30pm: Patient remained in good behavioral controls, asking for materials to support his performance. He’s been polite and appropriate, engrossed in his planning. Forthcoming in staff talk, denies psych symptoms except for delusions about Lady Gaga and his fame.
3pm: Patient has remained in good controls. Performed a brief show of Lady Gaga’s “Judas” for staff… Still refusing Thorazine.
10pm: Doing well… Spent entire evening doing arts and crafts, making a new bulletin board. Ate well. Continues to think him and Lady Gaga have a special relationship and communicates via Facebook, and that one of her songs was written for him. Describes himself as a “Z List celebrity”. No outbursts. Refusing Thorazine.”
Dear Lady Gaga-
WTF?! If I was a ‘normal person (any # other than 9)’ I woulda known it was the night of the VMAs n’ expected you to wear a meat garb getup! Seriously! I offer you [Kayvon’s] leather dress n you wear meat? Good Gaga!
WTF is your feelin’ toward the Googlement? PLzzz let me know! Gaga Google Google Gaga Google Google Gaga Google, want your bad prom dress? Gaga Google Google Gaga Google Google Gaga Google, want your bad internet? Gaga, seriously, sometimes I feel like Google has entered my brain. I simply need to know: RU half Lady half popBot sent from the present to give the mainstream rainbow juices? What’s in your head? If I were a fashion dinosaur, I’d wanna eat your brain to understand your plan- but I ain’t. I’m a dove and I wanna see you eye to eye. Let’s link arms, join forces, and EVOLVE the fashion dinosaurs into doves, those little Monsters.
PS- I gutta Judas, too… The daughter of a wealthy Google-aire.