@LMO$T OUT KIDZ! ONL33 THR33 (3) MO’ DAIZ TA FREEDOM!
TO CELEBRATE, I thought I’d letchya know some fun new wordz/PHR@Z3Z 1’V3 P1CK3D UP:
‘Melly Wop’ = Head punched in.
ex: I’m bout-ta melly wop that mutha fuka’ in his flintstone (see below).
‘Flintstone’ = Head. (Referring to the olde-skool cartoon).
ex: That fat orangoutang muthafuka (Tim, the closet-case g@y guy who almozt fought me for announcing his sexual preference) just tripped-in water n’ knocked his flintstone onna side-a bunk bed. Blood straight gushin’. Shit’s cooked (see below).
‘cooked’ = Fucked up, sometimes referring to a person’s state-of mind. Crazy, insane, weird, atypical.
ex: That dude did so much crack he’s cooked.
‘Run up in ya’ = Giving @n@l sex, especially forcibly
ex: Bending over like that makes it look like you’re ready for me to run up in ya.
(“everyone really is pansexual”, as I said in Pt.1)
‘Hang it up’ / ‘end it’ = suicide
ex: “C.O. GET HERE! dis dude’s tryin’-a end it.”
ex: If the D.A. hits me with 10 years upstate (see below) ‘um gunna hang it up.
‘upstate’ = Prison. (1n d@ context of J@1L)
ex: “Shit, Birdman! Assault and battery on a police officer?! Yer goin’ upstate.”
(No matter the geographic location of the J@1L in relation to the PR1$0N- doin’ tyme is done ‘upstate’ in PR1$0N, which I learned is different than J@1L)
‘The Street’ = anywhere other than jail.
ex: Rizzo the wife-beater once said, “Yo Birdman, how do you dress on the street?” My answer confused the shit outta him.
(Inmates would use ‘the street(s)’ often when referring to reputation outside of the J@1L context)
‘Steppin’ on toes’ = Interfering and/or butt-ing in on an offer or deal. Counter-offering.
ex: Why you stepping on toes? I offered up a [Ramen] soup wit sum [instant] rice n’ u butt-in by sayin all that plus a squeeze cheese just to fuck me?
‘rest ya neck’ = Shut up. Calm down. Check yourself.
ex: “I said deuces wild and i got a boat (full house), so not so fast grabbin [the makeshift poker] chips [from torn-up cards] . My boat beats yirs. Yir fulla’ shit. Rest ya neck n’ deal the next hand, before i run up in ‘ya.
(Jailbirdz tend to take card games pretty seriously, as boredom is the most difficult part of J@1L)
‘Skinner/ripper/diddler’ = Sex criminal.
ex: “That creepy new guy HAZTA b @ skinner.” (See epilogue)
‘Fact’ = I agree. I concur.
ex: Fact, that’s real.
‘Breaking bread’ = sharing.
ex: “Birdman, you’re so stingy ever since you got locked up, break bread -gimme sum fukin’ Kool-Aid!”
‘7:30’ = crazy/insane person.
ex: That muthafuka’s 7:30 all day.
‘Air hustling’ = eaves dropping.
ex: Keep this shit on the low, that dude’s air hustling.
‘Dig in [their, your, his, her] ass crack’ = Fuck someone up. Bring physical harm to someone.
ex: Keep talkin’ shit, meet me in the corner, n’ I’ll dig it in ‘ya ass crack.
(‘The Corner’ was PC’s designated area to have a fight, as it was a blind-spot to surveillance cameras)
‘Hold that’ = Suck it up.
ex: “C’mon, hold that, Birdman! Fukin’… you got two more weeks- I’m lookin’ at 10-15 years. Gotta’ pillow? Then rest ya kneck.”
‘Note’ = Cash, Currency, Esp. $100.
ex: My girl sent me a note for my canteen.
‘Brick’ = Cold, chilly.
ex: The fan makin’ d@ room mad brick.
‘Fly me a kite’ = Send me a letter
ex: “Birdman, when you get out you betta fly me a kite. If you don’ imma FIND YOU.”
Epilogue: Protected Custody + D@ Overpopulation Of Sex Criminalz, @k@ Skinnerz/Diddlerz/Ripperz
In the inmate transport vehicle from court to my summer ’09 high-rise J@1l apt., sum junkie with drug chargez was talkin shit. Mr. Junkie wuz havin’ a ball with my androgynous mannerisms, which I tried to tone down, though I never do, however this seemed as though it was a good point to do so. The other guys were goin’ along homophobia. D@ “faggot”s continued until I was gettin ‘booked’ (fingerprints, mug shots [posed as Birdman in order to be able to use my jail bracelet in the film for the future], jail policy book, getting your fabulous XXXL grey jumpsuit). The court officer, ‘c.o.’ booking me suggested, since I was presently being gay-bashed: PC- Protected Custody. Being noticeably gay, the c.o. did me a favor(ish) by giving me that option.
Protected Custody is J@1L, however, nodody in PC nobody interacts wtih any one else in J@1L’s ‘general population’. Sum official gov’t bullshit piece-o-paper sez “Everyone charged with a criminal offence shall be presumed innocent until proved guilty according to law”. That said, everyone that might be charged with a criminal offense that would tend to piss people off… are dumped into PC. Then there are the slightly more uncommon ppl lyke me that wood just get r@ped / sh@nked/ st@bbed / be@ten just 4 ‘standing out’ or ‘b-ing themselves’ or b-ing GHEY etc… Also, people that have been victim of assault by other inmate(s) tend to find themselves in PC. What I didn’t know, after urgently agreeing to the PC option in fear of my life, PC is a lott@ RAPISTS/SKINNERZ/CHILD MOLESTERS/DIDDLERZ/RIPPAZ. When I 1st learned this, my skin crawled. Y’all may (or may knot) know this, butt: I was in a room that was (about- kinda a guess) 35 ft. x 45 ft. with about 45-50 bunk beds. So I guess there’s not much of-a choice but to be buddy-buddy with Jackson, the 50-something year old guy with nails as long @s sum Jersey girls’- no paint or aribrush… just yellow, long- ass talons, who impregnated a 14 year old girl via aggravated rape.
To put it in perspective, y@ll, I waz in a crowded room full-a 45-50ish (mostly) creepy guyz… I had Charlie, who ‘made moves’ on a tween boy, sleeping to my right. To my left: Jeff, some skinner that became physically handicapped after attempting to kill himself via crashing his car into a tree, under the false assumption he had become HIV+ from raping his girlfriend’z mentally challenged daughter, in order to, according to him “help her hygiene” and overall self-esteem.
$o0o0o LUCKY I was never raped in the shower during my month-and-a-half all-inclusive vacation in Rapistown.
Hope Y@ll lyked $ome J@1L slang straight from Cambridge J@1L…
SEE Y@ $OON, Lil Darwinz, Hopefully-I-fully-hope!
‘Til Next tyme!