Hipsterdom-dumb is d@ new mainstream! If you ain’t hip, you’re just a nowie.
…Or worse- a thenbie:
Those thenbies are so then-y that they’re ewies!
Ew, emosters are the worst form of thenbies….
Oh, shit… Forgot about GOTHSTERS! Gothsters are ewies to the max. But down with the blandbies…
Up with dressing well. Ya See, it’s all about making a entrance. If Natural Selection applies to clothes in a population, better clothes make you more fit. The Phylogeny of Fashion is much like the phylogeny of species. We have fungi- the not-so-stylish, plants- the stylish, and animals- the fierce. Refer to chart:
Sure, some are more privileged than others. But, you don’t have to spend a lot to get more! Go to a nifty-wifty thrift store and feel free to hack away- no sewing skills needed to start. You could also dress to impress on a budget by embellishing your heart out. Add some sequence to your fav shirt, or use this-n’-that’s from around your house. It’s the New Generation! Forget old fashion habits…
In the land of Natural Selection, avantgardsters and newsters rule… you could be a hipster fungi; a well-dressed pastipster that that recycles old looks to create cool, new looks; or a fashion dinosaur… someone that just loves fa$hion and dresses impeccably. If you’re a hipster- you’re a fungus. You might look cool but nothin’z btwn yo’ earz. If you’re a plant you’re hip and have good morals. You’re not just in it for social courting. Howevzies, if you have good shit goin’ in your head on and you’re totally flamboyant- you’re an animal: the apex of the hierarchy of fashion.
Ya see, it goes beyond the cut of your denim.
Here’s how the Phylogeny of Fashion applies to everyday sitchez…
If an animal, like a fashion dinosaur, is out n’ about with a fungus, like an abercrombie, the dino’s fun fashion is poisoned. If you’re a plant, like a nowster or a hippiester and you’re around a bunch of fungi-hipsters, the hipsters’ fungi tendancies make you stand out as more than some pretentious fungi-hipster, and make you seem like a real fun guy (or gal, or queer)! It’s like a flower amongst a bunch of nasty shrooms. Plants feed animals and animals fertilize plants (in a non-shitty way) via making the entourage more fashion-forward. If an animal steps into a room of funguses, that person is either poisoned with nasty stares or stomps their bad taste to the ground with poise.
When you apply the Phylogeny of Fashion to real-lyfe, it’s a game of rocks-paper-scissors, style.